I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize
