I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize