between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
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Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
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Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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