apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
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The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
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like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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