I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
i need to put some appletini on your dick
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
