i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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