can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
