sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
you traded sex for a burrito?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
