bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
home. puking in laundry basket.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Randomize
