Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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