i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
