I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize