Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
