Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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