hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
50% drunk capacity currently
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
