She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
