I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
