ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
