I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
