he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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