I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
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