Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
