R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
How naked do you want me to be?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
