I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
