Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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