On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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