Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
