wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
did i walk over a car last night?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
