So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
