I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
pray to the hookup gods
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
