You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
