Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
tell me about the eggs
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
