I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
