Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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