We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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