So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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