Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
