oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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