first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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