WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
