Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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