I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
its liver damage thursday
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
