My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
