I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
