I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
