Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
