Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I see more hoeing in ur future
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