The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
