I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
