My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
