Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
