Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
