hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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