dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
