somebody snuck up and got me drunk
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
