i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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