It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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