We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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