I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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