Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
