I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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