I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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