When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Ketchup is God's man juice
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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