Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm like, not good at living.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
