Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
