i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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