Sry I called you an 8
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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