I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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