your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
