I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
