all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
