i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
