before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
