yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
