I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
