i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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