saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
